People

People fail at life. Or at least people fail at living. At least half of the people I genuinely knew I don't know shit about any more, and honestly yes, I blame alot of it on drugs. Now I'm not saying you shouldn't do drugs, because if you can read this you're not retarded enough to not know that already. But seriously, I believe that drugs like alcohol or THC, the kind you can recover from, are acceptable in small and infrequent doses. But when your life becomes consumed by them, when you're no longer doing them casually but instead they become a goal, an end to your efforts, then you've lost yourself, because if you spend the majority of your time outside your natural state of mind, then what is your state of mind? Alcohol? Cocaine? Marijuana? Whatever you're using, when you're on it you're not yourself, and if that thing you become envelops what you used to be, then you're no longer you. Since I'm sure I'll get flamed for this one, let me fortify my standpoint so you know who I am and where I'm coming from, without knowing my life story that is. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't intend to, but I'm not going to tell you not to. Your life is yours, as it should be, and so are your choices- obviously. But I'll be damned if I'm not going to bitch about addicts, because addicts need help, and they're the only ones who don't know it. Now my aunt (this isn't my life story, shut up) was a heroine addict, long story short she's had over 11 children, the oldest being 18 but she didn't have a job until she got on rehab- last year. Drugs fuck you up, thats what they're supposed to do, so at least you're getting what you pay for. But when my best friends stop calling, stop answering, stop doing much of anything that doesn't include some kind of drug, then as much I hate to say it, but I really can't call them my best friends if I really never spend time with them. Now in the interest of keeping blogs funny I admit some addicts are hilarious. Lets take my friend whom we'll just call 'the Russian'. I could probably write a full blog on him alone but instead I think I'll just make this hyper link and note that the video to this is what the Russian watches to calm himself, and yes, its very very disturbing, but in a good way. Oh, and the guy died due to complications that occur when your internal organs get punctured, strangely enough.
PS My middle name is Rey, to keep a promise I made to someone.

Selfish kids, and by that I mean most adults.

You'd expect competition and self gradification in a society based on capitalism- but honestly I always hoped that it would stop with money, someone should kick me in the face everytime I think. Nearly everyone I've met would sell out a stranger to protect what they hold dear- even if all thats at stake is a fucking Twix(as delicious as they are). Now those are just generalities- but seriously, when was the last time you thought, what am I going to do for fun? Or, god damn that's so unfair? Ok, how about the last time you considered how many people were sleeping out in the cold(or heat) while you lay in your home, on your bed, staring at your cealing at night? Yeah, dont kid yourself buddy. Now am I claming to be jesus- certainly not on open access blogs, and in this case I'm sure I'm not much cleaner than everyone else- but hey, this is a blog, its my job to chew people out while these fingers are moving right? So I appologize, and you can go fuck yourself. Moving on, or rather, moving back, I realize just how good we have it here, and I mean we in general, even us poor kids living in their mother's basements(theres some ammo for who ever needs it against me) because we truly can make something of ourselves simply based on effort. The point is, sincerely, that no matter what happens to us, if we can still breath, stand up, and use our minds and bodies, we've got it better than alot of people, because as long as you've still got that, you'll always have another chance- no matter how much money you lose, or how many scars you pick up along the way. Insert random profanity here.

The Media

Living amoungst a plethera of people concerned about their apperance I've constantly heared things like, "brittney spears is so skinny", "whats with all these supermodels on tv, no one actually looks like that" and the clentch, "it makes me feel inadiquite".

Well here's where my story comes in. I was seeing a girl a few months back, and at the time I'd been seeing her for at least 3 or 4 months. It was pretty common for me to roll over to her house and just hang out- you know, typical shit. Well this particular girl, as cool as she may be, has a serious obsession with TV/ movies/ and all things that display themselves on her big screen. Amoung the endless sea of faces that she loves is Mark Wahlberg, who's apparently at the upper tier of men she's crazy about. Well I can't remember what we were watching, I'm not much for TV, I never came over to watch tv, even if thats what it seemed like- I was there for her. Well whatever it was we were watching there was a commercial break, and during it there was one dealing, for some reason I can't even hope to recall, exclusivly with mark Wahlberg. Now I dont have a problem with the fact that mark Wahlberg's body makes me look like shit. He earned it, its his and I respect him for that. What bothered me though was that, even though she was sitting leaning against me on her couch, that I had sincerely tryed for this chick for months, when Wahlberg shows up on screen it was like I wasn't even there. Now whats so attractive about famous people? Their wealth, well I dont think bill gates wets many panties. The fact that their faces are all over newspapers and tv, well so is the president, and I'd put money on gates in a numbers game over bush. So lets agree, since you really dont have a choice, that its looks. Now heres the thing, I never thought of myself as a terribly unfit person, here's me.

And here's mark...


Obviously theres a a difference, but I'm cool with that. I could even stand next to the guy and not feel bad about myself- most of the time I'm not worried about how I look. What bothers me is that if she had a chance to I could guarantee she'd be out of my arms in his bed in a heart beat- and that's more than enough to make me feel my lacking.

But its not the Mark Wahlbergs and the Brittney Spears that make us feel inadiquite, because we are inadiquite, and we know it. But instead its the people in our own lives that take us from knowing what we are and dealing with it, to feeling what we arn't, and that makes us feel, quite simply, like shit.